I need a remote control for my life…Things are going by so fast and I can't believe that in 9 days, i'm leaving. I look back and it makes me feel sick to know that i'm done with trinity and the people there and i'm moving to auburn to actually start my life. I had to run by trinity today to drop carrington off for God knows what and to pay a bill. I didn't think anything of it until i was about to dart through the burgundy doors of the main hall until i stopped. Cut off white vneck, nike shorts, hair in a messy bun, barefoot, and lacking makeup i stopped in the empty hallway. I just had to set the scene. I seriously thought, this is the LAST time i will set foot, and isn't it rebellious that it wasn't shoe clad, into that school before school year officially starts. It made me feel like i was still a senior, that it was my school. Then, i saw someone fast approaching so i threw on my aviators and ran into my truck. I barely recognize my school. Ok, that's a wee bit dramatic. Right when I leave they would decide to pave a cobblestone walk, plant some trees, and add a whole new building with floor to ceiling windows…so jealous. I mean, i'm gaining complete freedom and the ability to live with reckless abandonment but seriously, floor to ceiling windows? Damn them. 
I started writing that at like 3 in the morning on friday i think. It's a week now till I move in and things finally change. Spazzing out at 2 am and cataloguing my college stuff and wardrobe is now a habit and hyperventilating in stores and spending a fortune are nothing to blink at. I am now the master of depressing goodbye playlists and holding my tears in until i'm alone. While many people I love are going with me on this roller coaster of fun, i'm leaving a few behind that make up a huge part of my life. I think that's what's really bothering me and making it so hard. God, if i just didn't care about people things would get easier. I got a pair of chacos yesterday so i'm officially a college kid…i feel totes cool. Don't get me started on how my mom is taking this. I was in my room today cleaning out stuff and packing when she walked in and talked with me for a sec. She picks up my trinity senior shirt, says: I cant do this, and swiftly exits the room. I came downstairs to grab some refreshments to find her sobbing into the dishwater as she washed dishes…She's not doing so hot. My dad's doing the push me away thing, and carrington isn't home all week. My mom works all week except on Tuesday and we're bonding but Doug is working all week except wednesday when we're going to auburn just to look around. So, I only have Monday and Thursday all to myself so i'm going to make the most of those two days. God knows when i'll have time to be completely alone again. So, I'm happy but I'm sad. I'm ready but I'm rendered breathless at the thought of leaving. The crippling feeling of loss scares me. I'm coming back to watch carrington at trinity's first football game but then, who knows when i'll be back. It's scary but invigorating. Sure, i'll miss trinity and the place i went everyday for the past thirteen years but sometimes, you just have to let go of the past or you'll completely miss out on the present. After all, we're never guaranteed tomorrow. My mom always says that last part. props to lil melin. But, in my words: Peace out montgomery. I won't miss the interconnections and everyone being in each other's business. I won't miss having nothing to do, but i will miss the people i leave behind and nancy's. always nancy…Oh I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
Cause I'm a ramblin' man
I ain't ever gonna change
Gotta gypsy soul to blame
And I was born for leaving
And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
But I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then
I can't wait till then
zac brown band
i'm not a country fan…but i can't stop listening to this song
and scene.
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