The Perks of Being a Strange Bird

     I've been doing a lot of serious thinking lately, trying to figure out what i'm really doing with my life, what direction i'm taking and whether i'm making some major mistakes. Taking a step back from your life and really surveying all that you've done, all that you want to do, and those that you have in your life can honestly be scary. There are so many components to one person's life and I am no exception. I get easily tangled up in so many situations because I want to experience everything and always say "at least I tried." I'm an easily dissatisfied person, that's a good category to put myself in. I'm an honest person and that is probably my biggest mistake. You see, I always believe that people are as honest with me, as I am with them. Yes, always. I think people are innately good, even if I perceive things in a centrally pessimistic manner. This doesn't mean I don't have my doubts when people tell me certain things, I just hate being lied to. Nothing hurts more than knowing you didn't matter enough to receive the truth, or that someone thinks so little of you that you will believe anything they say. A blatant lie is a crippling thing, and a liar is someone who will always make their way into my life. They will always take advantage and become a leech, or a parasite; sucking the energy and time from a person they "care about."
     I've come to realize that, while people can relate easily to what i'm thinking or talking about, I perceive things differently than others. I'm not trying to be egotistical or make myself seem different from the masses, believe me, I'm just like anybody. But sometimes, and these times are increasing rapidly, I feel like nobody gets things the way I do. Maybe i'm just weird and notice minute details that slip past others' radar. I'm reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and again, the honesty becomes a crippling factor. An achilles heel if you will. It seems to me that those who are inherently more honest, are viewed as simple, naive, and different. It's as if lying is viewed as the determining factor of normalcy. Please, could someone tell me when honesty and a simple belief in human decency was viewed as weak or strange? I think about these things and they keep me up at night. I guess i'm just susceptible to deceit…great. Move in day is 22 days away and i'm being my O.C.D. self and panicking daily. I have to have everything just so and I have a nagging feeling that i'm not going to be ready. lets not even delve into my emotional status right now…thats a minefield waiting to detonate. i know i'm just prattling on right now but i'm feeling kinda weird and needed to let this out.        
     i'm leaving for the beach wednesday and i bought some stuff for my trip and i'm excited. i'm still looking for a hippie headband to wear, ya know the ones that tie in the back and go braided across a forehead? i want one that tribal print colors, i love tribal or aztec prints. just call me Pocahontas, yall. Again, I'm reading "perks" and the way it's written inspires me all the more to continue my plan with majoring in journalism. The honesty and expression: I feel infinite, is just brilliant, bloody brilliant. yeah, i saw harry potter again today. still going through post potter depression and being a music addict. to each his own i guess.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Perks of being a wallflower- new fav book
and scene.