I Did My Best!

  

   i just need to vent. I'm so tired all the time, this might be because i don't go to sleep til 12: 30 or 1 but that's because i'm busy....busy doing nothing. I'm so easily distracted now and i can't focus on anything for more than 15 minutes. At home that is, i do all of my homework the next day at school. I guess the threat of missing a deadline makes me work at freakish speed and allows me to get stuff done. Except, this hasn't worked for the past couple of days. I can't make myself work on anything. Wanna hear what all i have to do? Well, i gotta finish an AP bio independent study and summarize two articles that were due LAST friday. I also have a test in there friday, have to come wednesday night at 6 to watch a movie and answer 20 questions on it, (because no movie should ever be just for enjoyment purposes) practice test due friday, math test and 80 homework problems due tomorrow. I'm sorry, but i have no idea what that ish is on. oh, the incompetence. In spanish, i have to come up with a scene that describes how the future will pan out. Um, im not an oracle and i can barely speak remedial spanish sooo how am i supposed to make a 3-5 minute presentation? thats right, i'm royally screwed. I've also got a bajillion notecards in english due by wednesday. Have I started the book? no way. i've gone as far as driving to office depot and buying a rainbow assortment of those big-ass cards.  The title? As I Lay Dying. Eerily appropriate don't you believe? I've also got a Bible paper (4 pages) due sometime soon as well as a memory book. Holy shit. i will never survive. The only time i looked remotely intelligent today was when i knew the plural tense of the word octopus. It's octopi. Yep, even stephen didn't know that. You know my buddy Dane Cook? Well, go watch his video on crying and that'll be me by wednesday for sure. Gotta come up with my own phrase to repeat over and over as i slip into insanity. are you sure i'm graduating may 19th? cause i feel it will never come.
"you get a tap on your shoulder, just a tap and you turn around. Who's behind you?
The world, right on your shoulder and he's like hi, i'm the freaking world and i just want to let you know something, you're gonna cry."
"Thanks world."
    Dane Cook
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"That really pisses me off"

      Ever notice when people get mad, there are a myriad of ways they express themselves? There are a cornucopia of different ways people can react when they get pissed off and each and every one of them are either the most hilarious, most uncomfortable, or scariest thing you will ever lay eyes on. Today is just one of those days where everybody is getting mad and i'm in the mood to discuss this strange human behavior.
       Each of my friends has a different way of getting mad and i've seen it so many times that i am the connoisseur of spotting an explosion o' hate or a bitter, inner withdrawal that can leave a person completely freezed out. I honestly don't know whats worse: a scary, violent reaction or the quiet, make you wonder if they're secretly planning your murder kind. I can do both, very well actually. I guess we'll start with me. When i get mad, just an everyday mad like getting annoyed and such, my temper snaps but it's over pretty quickly. I'll just spout off  few bitch remarks, throw a dirty look or two, and it's over. Now, when something big happens....its a little different. I've only truly reached my breaking point about 6 or 7 times in my life, i do believe it has happened three times senior year..impressive. See, what happens is, you have to look for the signs. Thats step one. When i get really mad, i'm not usually in the same room as the person to whom my hatred and rage is directed. I'm usually just hearing the news from someone else. I get really quiet and its eerie. I've been told it's frightening and i've seen people go all still and quiet when they're really pissed and it makes me want to tiptoe out of the room backwards, so they can't pounce on my back and kill me. So, i just sit there processing (it takes a while for big things to hit me and for me to accept) and this can last for a few minutes to an hour or two. The calm before the storm so to say, then it happens. The complete unhinging of all human qualities and behaviors. It's "The Snap." I've witnessed a few Snappages in my life and they are one of the scariest, most hilarious things to witness. I don't know how the few people who have seen me at these moments have held themselves together and not laughed in my face. The faint flush on your cheeks, the rapid hand gestures, the uncontrollable string of curse words emitting from your animalistic mouth, ridiculous facial expressions, and the useless pacing. I don't know why, but apparently moving around the room makes you feel like you're doing something important, like a treadmill. You're running but where the hell do you think you're going? It's even worse when you have 'The Confrontation." Those are ugly. Some people throw things, some people get so mad their tear ducts get confused and they start to cry, some people stutter, some people (guilty) have the low quiet voice that is so full of rage that you're scared for your life. Some people (me) can yell and get up in your face. Some people start laughing this creepy laugh like somethings funny and some people even have just one look that can make your blood run cold.
      One of the absolute best things to watch is a fight between a guy and a girl. I can only speak from my perspective but the girl always seems to say these things like her life is a movie. So many melodramatic things can be said to get their point across, such as: "I don't even know who you are anymore." Yes you do, don't try to make your life a movie. "I love you, but i just can't do this anymore. You've changed." oh please. The silent treatment is one of the most annoying and effective reactions to anger. It's at the point where the person gets so bitter that they shut down and freeze you out and it's the worst to be on that side of the treatment. It makes you all nice and a complete kiss ass. Since i'm stubborn, i won't talk to you either...for a while. Sometimes it can turn into a grudge and those are just annoying to keep track of.
     Today my spanish teacher completely lost it. There we were just minding our own business when all of a sudden he freaks out because we were "showing disrespect by talking while he was." He went on a bitter tirade about respect and then i just kinda zoned out because i had to keep from laughing in his face. About 20 minutes later i got distracted and he went off AGAIN. He said, and I quote: "That really PISSES me off...excuse my language but it does." Um, did that just happen? I felt that when he said that, it was equivalent to the worst curse word imaginable to him....just hearing the word come out of his corpse lips made me almost laugh out loud and i would have, if i wasn't staring in awe. So, i think i've examined a few of the entertaining aspects of being pissed off. Oh, almost forgot the pouter. They pout when they're mad to get their way. We've all been guilty of that. Nothing wrong with using a good pout if it gets you what you want.  But when it comes to anger, to each his own.
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March Madness

     

 Don't get too excited, i'm not talking about bball.

      As you can see, I've been pretty bored all day. If the drastic change to my blog's format isn't giving you an inclination to my severe apathy, let the fact that i have an AP Bio test AND project due tomorrow verify my total lack of care...about anything. Yes, the return to school after a blissful week of complete mind

relaxation was a hard adjustment for everyone, teacher and student alike. But, the was one little bit of joy to this dismal day of return. I now believe that I will have a better day if I am allowed to dress to express. This is called Casual monday and it puts me in an altogether pleasanter mood, even under such dire circumstances as returning to tps. Gives me chills just thinking about the fact that i've still got a little under two months left in that place

     So, it's kinda obvious that  i'm doing everything possible to keep from studying AP Bio. Yes, I'm doing horribly in the class but, i think that the fact i've been a good student all these years should allow me the option of failing gracefully in these last few months. I'm just so drained. I'm the picture of apathy, look it up in the dictionary and there's me. No lie. Here's an example: I came home today and whoah. hold the phone. i gotta say something about the insane afterschool traffic. Ok, so i know that i can drive like a bat out of hell most of the time but i have never been around so many deranged drivers in my life. People straight up lost their minds. People weaving in and out, cutting me off, flicking me off, honking at each other, countless near misses, and i swear, i thought i was gonna witness a head on collision. I just really don't know why when i'm trying to get over, the person in the other lane had to speed up to cut me off. Listen: I COULD SQUISH YOU. and don't even use the excuse that you "couldn't see me." if you can't see my truck, then you're helen keller, thus you shouldn't be driving. Anywhoooo it was so pretty outside so i just tried to enjoy at least that. I got home and said i was just going to take a quick nap: that turned into an hour and a half. why is is that when i tried to sleep last night, i couldn't but i can't stay awake right now when i have so much to do? One of life's mysteries i suppose. I stared at my backpack for a little bit then went to go make some stuff-like cooking. After about three batches of cookies i decided i better crack down and study, so i get on netflicks and I watch some old movies. I watch An Affair to Remember til 2:30 last night, gosh it never gets old. Now, i'm blogging. My bio notes are sitting right beside me untouched as they will remain until about 11 when i have a mini panic attack. Old habits like that die hard.

      So, today was an example of march madness. Everybody was acting crazy. maybe it was due to that super moon from a few nights ago but things were definitely strange. Entering tps was like entering a renunion after five years. All i heard was: "i missed you" "oh muh gawd, youre sooo tan gurl!" nauseating. And the brackets, oh the brackets. I'm already sick of it. No offense to you bball fans who live for the chance to pick out your "sweet sixteen" or whatever. have fun with that. i just find it funny that in math we have a huge bracket drawn on a chalk board and a teacher who tries to "talk shop" with tha boys. all females might as well be nonexistant in that class. well, except for maybe two. Ok, so really no drama today, disappointed? sorry debbie.
We’re only young and naive still
We require certain skills
The mood it changes like the wind
Hard to control when it begins
The naked and the famous-love them!
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That was wicked, Harry!

        Oh my shoot, it's been so long since i've blogged. So, i'm dusting off the cobwebs and returning to my blog that keeps me sane during school. Spring break is practically over and that's depressing as hell. Apparently we've got less than forty something school days left until graduation, doesn't that just tug on a  few peoples' heartstrings? Me? its definitely exciting but kinda sad, bittersweet. Ugh i'm stopping this debby downer mess right now before i get all terms of endearment on ya'll. So, i know you're wondering what big plans i had for spring break. well, i kicked it in the gump for the first few days. nobody was here. i mean, total seclusion. I was all like "yeah! nobody's gonna bother me, the alone time is gonna be great!" nuh uh. no sir. i got through two days and was dying. let me tell you, it's just not the same when noone is there to share in your awkward moment when the guy doing my nails got a little too enthusiastic with the lotion... i kept busy but i missed my frans! i was like the only person who wasn't in germany, at a soccer/baseball tournament, at the beach, or somewhere random. I did go to birmingham with the fam for two days. we shopped, shopped, shopped and got my prom dress. Boy, was that a major check off my to-do list. trying to find one that wasn't completely hideous, nauseatingly bedazzled, or just plain unfortunate was a very trying ordeal. i mean really, how hard is it to make a decent looking dress? really. Boy was i relieved when people started coming home.

      My bro, camille, and i, and james hit up pville last night. We had some dinner at the pville country club thanks to the lovely carpenter clan. It's a place where each of the club members have been to paris many a time. paris, texas that is. bonjour ya'll. Kinda had an awkward moment or two with the waiters. i couldn't pronounce the name of the pasta i wanted. classy, right? then we had the awkward guy who did the hesitant "are you finished?" suggestion and grab for my plate. live for those moments. Oh my gosh, I had an icee for the first time in forevvs and i embarrassingly exclaimed "That's delicious!" Love feelin like a five year old. swear i'm not graduating in like a month and a half. ok, so i must have been out of it for a few days because it's a harry potter weekend! so exciting, thanks abc fam. i just don't understand why they do it on a sunny weekend. hmm the dilemma between getting some vitamin c or staying in and watching harry battle a basilisk? gosh, it's a toughie. all i know is, come july 15th at 12:00 A.M. you know where i'll be. At the rave with my fellow hp addicts waiting in anticipation for the FINAL hp flick. swear i'm not a loser. i mean, it's my childhood.  can't wait to see who cries. is it sad that i love me some malfoy? nah, i always go for the evil ones, no matter how simpering he may be. Anyways, so glad i got this breather but dreading the return to school, makes me sick. sorry if this was boring, school should offer some stimulating topics for discussion. oh, and so you won't complain: hey billy. thanks for following me on twitter. i'm honored.
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If I build a boat, paint prom? on the side and sink it like titanic, you think she would say yes?

      What a way to end the day, catching the end of titanic and chillin with my favorite guidos and guidettes on the jersey shore. Today was a trip, a real pain in the ass if you ask me. I'm dedicating my ish-filled day and tonight's blog to none other than AP English and Honors Cal: congrats on being a thorn in my side. Let's get a little summation of my day started. I guess I should rewind and give a recap of yesterday. So, apparently i'm the wittiest girl in the grade. No lie, i was voted. Thanks seinyasss. So, to honor the timely tradition of capturing who's who in the senior class, all those voted must report to robertson's photography to get some pics made. This year we used props...they wanted me to wear a clown nose. I said hell to the no. I and my witty counterpart kevin came up with our own poses and they were totally, candidly ballin. I wake up yesterday morning and since my mom says my hair is unattractive when i let nature take it's course, i have to get up early to make myself look presentable. I can't believe it: my hair is behaving and doesn't look like cousin it for once. Then, the irony of life makes itself known: its storming like a bitch outside. All is well until i roll up into robertsons, i made it in 12 minutes by the grace of God, and realize i don't have an umbrella...for real. I pull on a hoodie and make a break for it. I run into a cluster of seniors gathered under the awning, huddled around the door. Surprise! They're not open! We have to wait half an hour, in the humid rain, til they get everything figured out...the photographer was at tps the whole time. I personally think they should put at the bottom of our picture page: please note, it was raining. This explanation is needed to account for the frizzy hair captured in each pic. I was feeling some trepidation when i was forced to pull my hood off....not pretty. I then went and was a bad a with some cool kids when we skipped some of first period to eat at chick fil a. Among us was a shining star, a stone cold fox, a studly stud if you will. None other than Logan Powell who complains that he is not mentioned enough in my little blog here. He's going to Germany and leaving me in math to suffer alone. I'm gonna miss my buddy, don't forget my I heart Germany tshirt!
      I didn't return to school but went to go see Much Ado About Nothing...let me tell you, there really wasn't much to do but sleep and so I did. I have this theory though, bear with me as I share. I think that at Trinity, I have been spoiled. Not by having grade a teachers, a stellar learning environment, and a luxurious parking lot and cafeteria but I think that I have become accustomed to being around attractive people all day. I honestly think trinity must be full of attractive people compared to the outside world. I made this observation when being eye raped by the unmentionables that were at asf from other schools. So scary. Even the most unnattractive and downright ugly people at tps look like supermodels compared to these creatures from the black lagoon. Anyway, i just finished my day at dance team clinic then drowned in homework, dwindling on the edge of insanity and depression til 2 when i discovered my bed and remembered i was allowed to indulge in unconciousness. so dramatic.
     Today was a peach. I was constantly working allllll day long. I even had a little to do list strapped to my kindle to keep me motivated. I had to translate a story for my spanish test: potential fail. I predict a C. nice. finish an independent study for AP Bio that are due friday. done. Math test: complete and utter fail. AP English notecards on Pride and Prejudice? Successfully finished and turned one of my favorite novels into a book of horrors. Scrambled to finish my project that isn't due til tomorrow....story of muh life. Dude, what the hell is up with this prom mess? Everyone is freakin and trying to outdo each other by asking in the cutest and most planned out ways. Room full of kindergarteners, check. Roses, check. Scavenger hunts, posters on cars, puzzles, prom sandwiches, lunch room, check check CHECK. Know what i got? So Ashtyne, (leans on his arm trying to be cool) what are you doing April 16th at around 7? my response: pauses to think..Proms the 15th you retard. He looks completely confused if not slightly abashed. Well it wouldnt be my life if i didnt have some funny prom story...i would have gagged if i got some cheesy invite. It's not like you're proposing. What? I'm not bitter. Honest. Ended my day in a slight coma. played the music for dteam tryouts and almost got misty eyed, almost. went to panera with hay mcvay and ate ate ate, talked talked talked. Braved the frigid air to watch a soccer game…so exciting. guys won, zigzag zigzag. During the game, i snuggled with muh girls hay vay and camillionareee, we participated in blowin up twitter. Oh yeah, i got a twitter, i know i know i said i would never but.....its _ihatepeople_. follow meh. I totally felt like Jack Dawson in that freezing cold water, i was a popsicle but watching those guys is just priceless. Go romil, you dominated when you fell over backwards over that bag of balls....anyways i'm like the best girl/fan ever and supported the diva through frigid weather. I'm finally home with freezing feet that are only beginning to thaw, watching jersey shore, and praying for some spring break. sick of crazy people. shoutout to my girls waiting to know the results of dteam.
gtf-gym, tan, find out who sam is texting behind ron's back.
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Oh Em Gee, Total Diva

      For the past month or so, every monday, tuesday, thursday, and the occasional sacred wednesday has been dominated by this crazy tradition called Trinity's spring play. I began participating in the play when I was a sophomore. You're only allowed to be in the play when you're a sophomore cause when you're a freshman you still can't drive and due to long practices, a mode of transportation is necessary. Nobody wants their mommy driving them. Anyway, a few of us seniors have been in the play since we were little sophomores and have stuck with it til the very end. This year, we performed Crazy For You and let me tell you, it was crazy...in a good way.
       In this year's play, we had no idea what we were signing up for. I literally danced in what felt like every scene, had a whopping two lines, and had to do some serious facial expressions on the side. First, I wanna go over the costumes since it is my most favorite thing to discuss. They stuck me in a pink frilly tutu, ya'll. If you know me, you know that's not me AT ALL. But, like a good little chorus girl, i stuck it out and i gotta admit, we all did look a little cute...even if our asses were hanging out the whole time. I just don't understand why i always get stuck with some of the ugliest costumes. I got a sexy little purple shorts combo thing with a frilly neck and a bow...on the back while most people got cute little onesies and such. Someone please explain to me why the costume company hates me. I also got a cute little number that looked like it was straight from my nanny's closet. Any 60 something year old lady would have fallen in love with my light blue and flowered mid calf ensemble with a schweet little mesh hat with some big ole flowers adorning the rim. It was soooo cute. And we were supposed to depict showgirls coming from the big city? yeah, right. I actually really liked the story line of this year's play and apparently it was super funny, thanks in most part to the ad libbing of our lead. Without him and his unrelieable mustache, we would have been in some serious trouble. The dancing in the play was crazy and we had to learn seriously like 7 dances. I would be lying if i said i never messed up. Hell, watch the video and view Bronco Busters, that'll give anyone a laugh. So will logan's floundering on the floor for a hankie (mine). But he looked so pretty with his blue eye shadow, all the boys did. Do the pretty girl rock, logan. We won't hate you cause you're beautiful.
        We had some diva's this year at the play. I totally don't want to name names but billy, didn't you ask why you're never mentioned? now you get a few sentences dedicated to you and your sensational performing, and dramatic abilities. You totally played your part of Lank perfectly, the role was made for you. You just got a little testy sometimes when people (me) got in the way during one of your scenes....shouldn't have tried to be cool and told me to move. Loved the purple eye shadow too, i got some compliments on my stellar makeup abilities. Oh, I've always wondered why the guys love getting makeup done more than girls do sometimes...maybe they just want to look pretty once and a while. I definitely can't take them seriously when they look like me. Whitney made me laugh so hard in her cute little safari costume, she totally resembled Nigel Thornberry scouting out some African beasts. presh. Shoutout to my slap that bass and awkward saloon partner daniel who criticized people with me. Lifesaver. So, besides the moody, bossy stage crew, the multiple mistakes in choreography, the gross clouds of hairspray, scenes getting deleted, missed lines, wipeouts, and huge mistakes in music, the play was a sucess. I bet TPS is pretty relieved that not many big pranks were pulled last night, well, senior prank is still coming up so just you wait. It's kinda weird how it's all over. All that hard work and it's done, at least for the seniors. I'll never have to come to another annoyingly long play practice again, "sacrifice" my grades because of feigned exhaustion, or have to be stuck in a room with all those people after a long school day ever again. i guess in a way, it's bittersweet, but i would forfeit play practice for auburn anyday. So, thanks to everyone who helped and made the play possible. It was...crazy. Never will forget Tanya and her voice belting out off-key all the time. Trinity teachers screaming at us for our inadequacies and my inability to walk quietly with tapshoes on. Getting your clothes ripped off to secure a mic then having someone rip the mic tape off along with some of your hair. Seeing your friends look totally ridiculous with false eyelash glue all over their face and getting millions of pictures taken will always be seared into my memory. Totally won't be able to get these songs out of my head anytime soon...
    although love does not inspire my lingo, girl you make my heartbeat go bango-bingo.
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It's just the strangest thing, i thought this was MY blog....

       I'm not trying to be a bitch here....famous last words. I honestly think trinity has turned into an asylum. People are acting crazy and i just wanna straighten some things out so bear with me. I'm really not writing this blog to get attention. I'm not writing this blog to force my ideas or opinion on people. I'm not writing to call people out or completely trash someone for everyone to read. I started this as something for me and for entertainment purposes. I started blogging because people told me I have some interesting things to say and I like writing about what amuses me or completely pisses me off. Apparently some people like what I have to say. I'm taking that from comments I get and I can also check how many times my blog was viewed on a certain day. I really don't care if people read what I have to say or not, it's not for anyone but myself. But, in a school like Trinity, word gets out. Apparently i've pissed some people off and i've gotten too personal in what I say. Newsflash: If you don't like what I have to say, stop religiously checking my blog. But, I guess it's kind of flattering that some people check to see if they're mentioned. Thanks ya'll. I've always checked with people before I use their name and most of the time, in whitney's case, I really like the person i'm talking about, that's right weebs. we're frans remember?  Everything I write about are my thoughts and my views on certain subjects. I don't like causing drama, honestly I don't. I usually don't think: Oh, this particular sentence will be especially offensive to her, her, and him. Sorry if that makes me sound self centered. I know I'm going off on a crazy tangent but the fact that people are freaking out that I get a little too personal in my PERSONAL blog is just rubbing me the wrong way. If you don't like what I have to say, stop reading. I'm just a little surprised, no in AWE, that some people are acting like one flew over the cuckoo's nest. If you have a complaint, come to me and say it to my face. I will honestly admit when i've gone too far and I don't believe I have at all. If i'm pissed at somebody, I'm gonna blow off some steam and write about it. It takes the place of a bitch fight, sorry to disappoint. I would never use their real name, that's a bitch move. I don't know how this got to be such a big deal, I mean, for real. Also, I wouldn't talk about something that the whole school doesn't know about already. That would be just crazy. i'm graduating in 2 months and 16 days, I don't care if someone is mad at what I'm writing. you can already tell if I'm pissed at you, I guess when it's in writing..it just makes it real and final.
       I find it kind of funny, actually. I never really thought people would check my blog regularly, like it, and ask to be mentioned. I'm not that egotistical. So, sorry if i offend. I've already warned before that i'm honest and i'm going to talk about what's going on with my day or what i've been thinking about. This isn't a burn book, i'm not being a mean girl trying to humiliate people. My b if I have. Wow this is totes a serious blog and I never want to have to do this again. For the sake of clearing the air I had to. Just for some entertainment value, Logan has asked me to dedicate a little blog to his awesome self. So, stay tuned to my all about Logan blog which will have to be heavily researched because I want to get it right. It's not every day that such a stud requests a special blog, so I want to do it right.
"Did I of-fend? "
    Ducky- Pretty in Pink
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