I am thankful for: you!

Whenever Thanksgiving rolls around, I like to write a list of some things i'm especially thankful for this year. Surry if thats lame but it really puts things into perspective. So, here are some things i'm so thankful for this year 2011:
1. God's never relenting love and grace- without it, i would be lost and never found
2. the love of a very special person in my life-it isn't always perfect, but to me its everything
3. my amazing family-they keep me sane
           Daddy- he is the person I aspire to be. My twin personality
           Mom- the one who keeps me pushing forwards, toward perfect grades
           Carrington- my precious puffin, i love her more than words. a perfect angel
           Nanny-sweetest most generous, loving person i know. it makes my day when I'm told i look like her
           Paw Paw- favorite person in the world. When he calls me shuga, it makes me smile like nothing else
4. my health-i am so healthy and i'm so thankful for it
5. Auburn University- for accepting me and becoming my new home
6. Tri Delt and my sisters-for making me one of their own
7. my roommate Haley- for getting me through some hard times and sharing millions of laughs
8. my new best friend bethany- for teaching me where haleyville is and for letting me sleepover everyday
9. cold weather- it is so beautiful and my favorite time of the year
10. another birthday- i am so thankful to be alive *November 30th
11. my iPhone- very shallow but it gets me through the day
12. pinterest- for letting me pin things
13. music, music, music- for putting my feelings into words that i could never say otherwise
14. Dr. Farmer- my english professor who lets me write about crazy topics
15. Emily Bethea- one of my best friends who when i talk to, seems like nothing has changed. i love you
16. Books- for entertaining me when nothing else can
17. J.K. Rowling- for making my childhood magical

18. Louis and the new puppies- for letting me see the cutest things in the world
19. Christmastime- it's the most wonderful time of the year
20. mistakes- how else am i going to learn?
21. love- there is nothing like it and i am forever changed by having it.

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
      so thankful for Florence- inspiring
and scene.

Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun. And when you're close, I feel like coming undone

     Oh boy, what would I do without Taylor Swift, or tsweezy as I lovingly refer to her. I swear, her music fills up my sad song and sleepy song playlist and even thought i'm a teenage girl cliche, I can honestly say her music makes me feel better or lets me sulk when I'm sad and need to pity myself. It's all about feeling that you're not alone and her music reaches out and lets you know you're not the only one who thinks boys suck, you're not the only one to have your heart broken, and you're not the only one who feels invisible. Seeing someone as perfect as her cry while singing last kiss and knowing she feels like ish too, can make anyone feel better. Anyone. Even boys, ya know ya listen to her too! People may hate on the tsweez but, like the new adage says: haters gon hate. True dat y'all.

   I'm gonna follow my sad girl cliches and also say I heart Grey's Anatomy. Oh my goodness I could just sit and watch that show for hours, and I do. How emburassin. I wanted to be a plastic surgeon since I was 5. Yes, since I was 5. That dreamed lived on til about April of last year when I was drowning in AP Bio and barely surviving math. I had to lay my precious lifelong dream aside for a more realistic one: Law School. I love to argue, I'm competitive as hell, and I never back down. Perfection right? I also love reading and writing sewww that helps. Back to my love, Grey's. Good Lord that cast. They are some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. My mom is a nurse and works in a hospital and she reminds me all the time, the drama is real, all the sex everywhere is real, but the people are never that attractive but their ego's are massive. Go figure. I say that you go through that much schooling and you can save my life, you deserve the extra attitude. Go for it, pat yourself on the back because I want to be you. I want to put people back together again, make them better that new, feel that rush when you complete something amazing and life changing, or life saving. But, i suck at math. and science.
So i go to fixing things that relies on a strong basis that never changes: the law. And that, is pretty damn amazing. You may be able to save a life McDreamy, but I can find a way to salvage someone's whole life and find justice where it is due and I think that's pretty incredible. So, I want to be a doctor. i want a McSteamy of my own. I want to work with Eric Dane and stare at him all day but my dream is pretty awesome too. In some ways, it's more realistic. I won't kill anyone at my hands and I can change peoples minds by what I have to say. Try persuading a malignant tumor not to spread, Grey. Just something I was thinking on. Well, back to Grey's and my teenage cliche of listening to tsweezy while I type.
I've never gone with the windJust let it flowLet it take me where it wants to goTill you open the doorThere's so much moreI've never seen it before
I was trying to flyBut I couldn't find wingsThen you came alongAnd you changed everything
You lift my feet off the groundSpin me aroundYou make me crazier, crazierFeels like I'm falling and II'm lost in your eyesYou make me crazier,Crazier, crazier
and scene. 

Nicki, and Scarves, and Pumpkins OH MY!!

    It's been sooooo long since i've gotten to blog! I've totes missed it, like for real. I don't even have a topic, i'm just so excited to be back to bloggin. So, Auburn and Tri Delt are keeping me very very busy. Spanish 2020 is kickin my butt and I have to study like a mother for that class. I literally dread walking into that room every day. Picture it: everyone is pretty fluent except this gal. Sure, I can understand what people are saying but verb conjugations make me wanna puke and using them in a sentence or with my superior partners is a real drag. I have an oral exam, sounds icky, in there tomorrow. Good news: it only lasts 4 minutes. Bad news: in those 4 minutes, i have to talk to my randomly chosen partner, using everything we've learned this semester, while my teacher takes notes. My luck, i'll be stuck with the guy from Costa Rica. Yeah, he's a freaking native. Yohn taught me, i don't know ish. I'm aiming for a mediocre C, that'd be so auss. After that, I get to drive home to good ole Montgomery for Trinity's homecoming game. I really have missed my actual family, and my trinity family. I really don't get to see them enough. I've been so happy here at Auburn, I really have. Sure, not everything goes as I plan and juggling people and school work and a sorority is really hard but i wouldn't change it. I feel really free a lot of the time and thats a great feeling. Waking up in the mornings to go to trinity would feel like I was going to jail almost, now a days, I literally smile on the way to class I'm so glad to be here. Speaking of inappropriate and embarrassing grinning on my walks to class, nothing inspires a plain ole good mood like this chilly weather. I've been so happy and chipper that's in inexplicableness is starting to scare people. I even bought yet another scarf today. I just really love the cold, it means Christmas is coming. Christmas Pandora is constantly playing on my computer and I visit stores just to smell the cinnamon and see the decorations. Don't get me wrong, I love love love Halloween and October. Halloween is second to Christmas, i mean who doesn't like creepy decorations and pumpkins and costume parties? It's un-American if you don't! My next week is so packed with Halloween inspired events is cray cray
     I hate swaps, I truly do. From a few of the swaps, I've made friends and actually keep up with the people i met on the reg but honestly, most of theme are just plain kward. The guys can even drink so you'd think they'd be a little less awkward and more smooth, wrong-o. Obviously the alcohol doesnt loosen them up enough. Please stop asking me what my major is, how i like tri delt, where i'm from, and if i like the swap so far. You are swaying in my face and you reek. You could actually be an ok guy but you're ruining this by trying to be cool and concerned and wanting to get to know my soul. Not gonna happen. I have like 3 swaps a week and i have a halloween social next week. I'm going as Nicki Minaj and couldn't be happier. I have Halloween parties and pumpkin carving and bonfires and I'm so excited. I have to finish finding nickiesque stuff for my consume then i'm all set. I really love my friends here, they're the bomb. I can't wait to go home and get all my cold weather stuff and did I mention all my UGGS and SWEATERS!!! eeeep can't contain muhself. Well, I might head off to the paranormal activity 3 premiere now. Hate to part with amc's Fear Fest. I love it so much. Cant wait to be scurrrrred.
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Robert Frost
   and scene. 

I Believe in Auburn…and Love It!

       Whoever said high school was the best years of your life was smoking some serious drugs. College is the best experience you can ever hope to have. Things that mattered so much in high school, don't matter worth a shit now. The cattiness of high school and the insecurities and the drama all fade away when you come to college. Things are so much freer and people are so freaking accepting that sometimes I wake up and wonder: is this real life? 
        Even trekking to class everyday doesn't dampen my mood. Most days my classes don't start till 11, i have an hour for lunch, and then classes end at 2:50. I get to take naps whenerrrrr i want and if i wanna go grab some chick fil a, go to the
 library (lame), or stay out late I CAN. nobody is my boss but me and I lurve it. I seriously meet new people everyday and being on a campus this large can bring in some pretty cool and some pretty weird cats. I don't know if its the newfound freedom, but i can only count on one hand the people that I don't like and have just met. Auburn is seriously the friendliest, most approachable place on earth. It's not like a creepy HI!!!! wherever you go, it's just a feeling of being comfortable when you have to grab some lunch alone and work on your laptop. Its the feeling of walking into a class of 250 and not knowing a soul but when you walk out you know at least 3 and they'll remember your name next week. It's a tangible feeling of a home you've never known and i couldn't be happier. One thing that can just tick anyone off might just be the avid cyclists milling about campus. They are the most inconsiderate people on this earth i think. I applaud them on their ability to maneuver between the crowds and narrowly escape confrontations with trash cans and cars alike but whenever i hear a chain clinking or pedals pumping i know i'm going to have to jump out of the way. Must be the irrational fear of getting my heels clipped. People stare a lot here, too. Like i constantly have to ask Haley if I have grown a third eye or something the way people stare. Everybody stares at everyone, guess its just a curiosity thing. At least put on some sunglasses so I can't see your eyes please. Just so you know, a tigercard is the best thing ever invented. During my lunch break, I buy some sushi, philly rolls, and a DP and go eat with my friends Bethany and Lil Logan. I just swipe that little card and its done. It's amazing and I eat dinner at chick fil a like every night. Panda express comes to Auburn today!!! Totes excited, come on freshman 50.

      College wasn't completely what I expected. The fact that I just let go of so many factors of my old life and embraced all college has to offer is scary. It's easy to forget about Trinity and the people who go there. When you don't see people everyday and you're insanely busy, they start to fade. Sure, some people who are so important to me still remain in my sight but others…just aren't there anymore. I thought when I went back for the Trinity football game I would be more nostalgic and weepy but truth be told, there is so much more out there than that small bubble of my home town and school. I've met so many people from different walks of life and I really have grown up in the short weeks i've been here. Having to fend for yourself all the time and manage your time, money, and relationships can cause someone to mature and not take things for granted. My mindset of thinking has also been affected. It's surprisingly easier to deal with things when I know I am not alone. I have a whole sorority and other friends to lean on to get me through hard times and I am so thankful for that. Haley is my roomy and we go everywhere together! Dinner, Chapter, Swaps, Phi Tau, Gym, and laundry are all together and I love that I don't have to worry about being alone all the time. Well, I'm tired which is always the case. I'll try and blog about my upcoming events soon. Can't wait for this weekend and the game! yeah, I have a date. I'll post pics. 


I had a way then losing it all on my own, 
I had a heart then but the Queen has been overthrown,
And I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat, 
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me.

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, 
You shine It when I'm alone,
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong,
And dreaming when they're gone.

'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home, 
Calling, calling, calling home. 
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, 
You shine It when I'm alone. 
    Ellie Goulding is my girl and Lights is my jam. Bassnectar biatch.
and scene. 

What Would You Doooo….For a Bid?

     War Damn, ya'll. I'm back to the blogging world. Why you may ask? Because I am experiencing my first instance of boredom in college life. That's right: mandatory study hours in the chapter room. Little blog world, there is so much to tell about my new life that i won't be able to fit it all in one blogpost. That would be insane! Let's start off by saying college is the best time of your life thus far. The unyielding freedom in every aspect of life is intoxicating. Like, i'm in awe every single day at how much fun i'm having and how happy I am. Sure the long trek to class each day and the never failing heat can be a bummer but i would take that instead of being stuck in montgomery any day.

    Auburn is perfect. The town is precious and really not too small. The campus is gorgeous, my room isn't that bad, and almost everyone is awesome. I've met so many great new people. Don't get me wrong, there are a bunch of creepers out there but even those creeps are still pretty cool. I'll dedicate a post to all the sorority and frat stereotypes and whether those involved live up to their name. So before I could have all this fun, i had to endure a minor portion of hell. That would be RUSH, ya'll and its the closest thing to torture anyone could ever imagine. You spend your days primping and polishing until you are thrust into the heat for extended periods of time only to be teased with a promise of air conditioning. For small portions of time, you are sent in single file, with about 75 other girls, into a small, seemingly ornate chapter room where about 100 or more screaming sorority girls await you. During these painful moments of time, small talk is forced with your assigned hostess. During these minute and scathingly shallow conversations, you are judged on what you wear, how you talk, how pretty you are, how much you weigh, your hair, and any other possible thing you can think of. One of the scariest parts? the person and the people you are switched off to, know almost everything about you. They've read and studied your transcript and Facebook like you're the biggest exam of their lives and failure is not an option. As badly as you are trying to impress these girls, they're trying equally as hard to impress you. Touring around 17 different sororities trying to find the perfect fit can be a little overwhelming, especially when all you have milling about are about 1,500 girls all vying for a chosen spot in Auburn's elite. The cattiness and potential eye clawing, not to mention blatant body scans, blood curdling stares,  and high pitched wails are enough to make anyone want to drop out of the whole process all together. What you need is a strong support system and a hot shower every night.
      As each day wears on and the emotional turmoil begins to kick into overdrive, girls are cut from favorites and the phrase "my life is over" resonates around the village. While I never felt so at a loss for hope, I did feel the weariness of a week filled with cheer, first impressions, fraudulence, heat, paired with the need to form ties with people you barely know and not knowing what will happen tomorrow can impede on anyone's sanity. In the end, you end up where you are supposed to be. Through the tears, the blisters, the sore, rusty throat, the sweating, and the mental breakdowns at 2 in the morning, you wait in your line on bid day. Hundreds of people are there to watch the reactions. Whether you cry, laugh, scream, or trample each other, each action is welcome for the crowd. As you wait in anticipation for Aubie to roll up and deliver your bid, could be one of the worst feelings in the world. After you get your bid and rip it open and run to your letters, life is never the same. Seriously, it isn't. Tri Delta runs my life and I love it. I gotta sleep and get ready for class but i'll blog about sorority life so soon. Auburn is great, sincerely. War Damn Eagle Bitches.

and scene.

Wait, I'm leaving when??? Isshhhh

     I need a remote control for my life…Things are going by so fast and I can't believe that in 9 days, i'm leaving. I look back and it makes me feel sick to know that i'm done with trinity and the people there and i'm moving to auburn to actually start my life. I had to run by trinity today to drop carrington off for God knows what and to pay a bill. I didn't think anything of it until i was about to dart through the burgundy doors of the main hall until i stopped. Cut off white vneck, nike shorts, hair in a messy bun, barefoot, and lacking makeup i stopped in the empty hallway. I just had to set the scene. I seriously thought, this is the LAST time i will set foot, and isn't it rebellious that it wasn't shoe clad, into that school before school year officially starts. It made me feel like i was still a senior, that it was my school. Then, i saw someone fast approaching so i threw on my aviators and ran into my truck. I barely recognize my school. Ok, that's a wee bit dramatic. Right when I leave they would decide to pave a cobblestone walk, plant some trees, and add a whole new building with floor to ceiling windows…so jealous. I mean, i'm gaining complete freedom and the ability to live with reckless abandonment but seriously, floor to ceiling windows? Damn them. 
    I started writing that at like 3 in the morning on friday i think. It's a week now till I move in and things finally change. Spazzing out at 2 am and cataloguing my college stuff and wardrobe is now a habit and hyperventilating in stores and spending a fortune are nothing to blink at. I am now the master of depressing goodbye playlists and holding my tears in until i'm alone. While many people I love are going with me on this roller coaster of fun, i'm leaving a few behind that make up a huge part of my life. I think that's what's really bothering me and making it so hard. God, if i just didn't care about people things would get easier. I got a pair of chacos yesterday so i'm officially a college kid…i feel totes cool. Don't get me started on how my mom is taking this. I was in my room today cleaning out stuff and packing when she walked in and talked with me for a sec. She picks up my trinity senior shirt, says: I cant do this, and swiftly exits the room. I came downstairs to grab some refreshments to find her sobbing into the dishwater as she washed dishes…She's not doing so hot. My dad's doing the push me away thing, and carrington isn't home all week. My mom works all week except on Tuesday and we're bonding but Doug is working all week except wednesday when we're going  to auburn just to look around. So, I only have Monday and Thursday all to myself so i'm going to make the most of those two days. God knows when i'll have time to be completely alone again. So, I'm happy but I'm sad. I'm ready but I'm rendered breathless at the thought of leaving. The crippling feeling of loss scares me. I'm coming back to watch carrington at trinity's first football game but then, who knows when i'll be back. It's scary but invigorating. Sure, i'll miss trinity and the place i went everyday for the past thirteen years but sometimes,  you just have to let go of the past or you'll completely miss out on the present. After all, we're never guaranteed tomorrow. My mom always says that last part. props to lil melin. But, in my words: Peace out montgomery. I won't miss the interconnections and everyone being in each other's business. I won't miss having nothing to do, but i will miss the people i leave behind and nancy's. always nancy…

Oh I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
Cause I'm a ramblin' man
I ain't ever gonna change 
Gotta gypsy soul to blame
And I was born for leaving

And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
But I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then
I can't wait till then
zac brown band
i'm not a country fan…but i can't stop listening to this song
and scene.

back to black

     There is no such thing as personal space in my house anymore. I sincerely think my family has lost their minds, every single one of them. The reason? 10 days, i'm not even kidding. My imminent departure is having different effects on my family and they're taking it out on me. They've lost their damn minds. Their mindset is that i'm CHOOSING to leave, nevermind that not attending college was never an option. And i thought that waiting to graduate was torture. This little idea has latched inside my mom's brain, like inception, and has take hold. Whenever I try to leave, she says: but you're leaving so soon. you'll see these people everyday and you only have a few days left with me, stay home. It's driving me up the wall, i'm going insane…for real this time. Our  family beach trip was a success, i really enjoyed soaking up the sun and took advantage of everyone being in a good mood to add to my sweater collection. Love brooks brothers..but now i'm back home and i'm stress eating. Literally inhaling handful of my strawberry mini wheats as i set aside what clothes i'm taking…the amount is nauseating. i'm listening to amy winehouse right now while i'm deciding which tshirts to take…the amount of trinity shirts i have is just sad. I really liked amy winehouse…she was a misunderstood talent. I just went off on a huge tangent but back to my soliloquy.


     My family is forcing me to spend quality time with them. This is time i should be spending out of the house, with people I want to see, having fun before i'm thrust into rush where i'll stress the whole time. There are days where my parents do the whole push me away because i'm leaving, those are good days. The bad days are when they want my presence around with a bone-crushing intensity that is quite like suffocation. Hellloo?? my house resembles casey anthony's mind right now…psychotic and soul sucking. Somebody help me puhlease…i get so bored in this house that i sneak out to go for a run. yes, the only way they let me out yesterday was for exercise…It's bad when you're watching shawshank redemption and you think: huh, reminds me of home. If morgan freeman could do the voiceover for my life, that would be just grand. his voice is magic. There's this movie i want to see at the capri tonight that ends TONIGHT.  its called 13 assassins. it's in japanese with english subtitles and includes a 40 minute action sequence. i gotta go see it with my bro, camille, who has been incognito for a month. i've missed her and we don't have much time left! Sorry if my life seems pathetic right now…it kinda is. montgomery is so boring and soul sucking that it puts a dementor to shame…that's bad. But, 10 more days and i'm out. i'll try and keep up my blog in Auburn but no promises. Hopefully i'll be too busy having crazy fun to write…ha ha ha
You went back to what you knew 
So far removed from all that we went through 
And I tread a troubled track 
My odds are stacked 
I'll go back to black 

We only said good-bye with words 
I died a hundred times 
You go back to her 
And I go back to..... 

I go back to us 
amy winehouse
and scene.