The Show Goes On Alllll Night...now stop.

    Tomorrow is a week since graduation. That's so weird! A week since I was rehearsing for that night, driving with bethea to our graduation song, the show goes on and then that night when it all came to fruition. Strangely, i don't feel different. I mean, I didn't really expect to walk out of Frazer and suddenly feel like the chains of Trinity were cast off forever and I was completely done. I don't think it'll hit me til Trinity starts back in August and I'm not there to drive Carrington to school, get my new schedule, locker, and paste on a smile while the "oh em gee girl! it's been forever! you look so good..." blah blah blah reverberates off the asylum colored cinderblock walls of my alma mater. That's right, i'm a trinity alum. I can actually walk into the tent at homecoming without ducking under the ropes in the back. God, I was a bad ass.

     It's only been summer for less than a week and, dont get me wrong, I love summer. I just wish i could fast forward to August 7th, aka: move in day! I've been discussing this subject lately with others and  it seems like we built up graduation to be this big day that slashed the ties with Trinity and with everyone and that the next day, we'd be going to college. Wrong-o. It's like we're stuck in this airport called Montgomery and have a three month lay over. It's kind of a let down. Now we just kind of wait. Guess I was right about the feeling of "What Now?" Sure we have fun but the only bad thing about it is that everyone is gone for periods during the summer and you're basically playing a twisted game of tag trying to see everyone. One thing I'm pretty stoked about is my concert selection for the summer. Yes, I am a little bitter that I didn't go to the Hangout Music festival but I'm already sworn to go next year. I was supposed to go to mumford and sons in atl next month but a ticket costs about a soul a piece so i'm gonna pass. Seriously, i love you mumford and sons but it's like literally hacking off a limb or selling my soul to go to your concert. The other options: Kings of Leon AND Band of Horses in July at Orange Beach (i'll already be at the beach) or Bon Iver in July as well. Decisions Decisions.

      So, just some things i've realized in my few days of summer. I've always loved alice but i've been on an alice in wonderland kick for a few days, getting some stuff for my dorm room. Loved that it was our prom shirt AND  theme. A few of my favorite people on earth are out of town til next week and i miss them dearly. I love the capri theatre and saw jane eyre there last night. New local haunt. I eat wayyyy too much in summer, like i can't stop. It's dangerous to fall alseep while laying out because your ipod will stop working for a while due to high temp. No really, the screen flashes a warning sign and says: TEMPERTATURE. ipod must cool before reuse. So crazy. i think my mom is out to get me because the wisdom teeth are coming out next wednesday. Carrington and I bond now due in part to my complete laziness and apathy. Oh and apparently, more people read this than i realized so i shouldn't think about complete strangers judging me off this. not like i care but still. I really want to go to Auburn, like now please, for posterity's, and always, sanity's sake.

  and scene.

Here's looking at you, kid.

 

     3 days. After 13 years, countless moments of doubting my sanity, being forced mindnumbing material down my throat, being with the same people day after day and dealing with their shit, it all ends officially in 3 days. Actually, my trinity career ends tomorrow at 11:30 when I shuffle out of mrs. baker's cal class. I should be studying for that AND AP bio right now but, you know, i'm stupid so i won't. For the past 16 or so days, senior bonding has kicked into overdrive. I've been forced, along with my fellow seniors, to pose for picture after picture, attend Baccalaureate, suffer senior sunday at Frazier, parade in "cap of choice," and gown, recite my major and university to everyone who forgets the minute auburn leaves my lips, attend tea after tea but no tea is served, be expected to still perform at school, AND act like we all still love each other. Well, i'm about stressed to the max and i'm tired of it. Yeah, when i think of it all being over thursday i get a little queasy but it's time. really, truly, it is. I'll miss my bro, camille, and a scarce handfull of others but when our prank was dismantled last week, i knew i couldn't shake off the amount of hatred, dissappointment, and downright apathy i felt toward tps. Look, we know they hate our class but cut us some slack.

     Trinity is seriously beating a dead horse here. I got admonished today because aparently senior monday doesn't count during exam week. That's complete bullshit in my opinion. I'm still a senior. Juniors are still juniors, sophomores are still sophomores, and freshman still barely count. Yes, I want to leave but trying to kick me out before I've even finished my exams is really pushing my thin patience. In my opinion, Trinity's just dragging this graduation and senior mentality out til it's not even fun anymore. I mean, over thirty people are going to auburn next year. Yes, there are over 25, 000 students but it's my life so i should run into trinity people all the time. God, i wish cam newton was still there. Stalker fo sho. I hate the fact that my graduation presents have been in visible sight for over a month but i can't have them yet. Thinking about all the stuff i have to get for auburn is so overwhelming that i just wanna give up.

          I wrote that two days ago. I graduate tomorrow. I survived my exams and pulled an all nighter. I passed every class even when i thought failure was imminent when baker handed out a bitch of an exam. I seriously almost bludgeoned the woman. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I've been waiting my whole life for tomorrow. It's the day i'm finally done with trinity, officially. Yesterday was my last day and I couldn't believe it. Today was my first day of summer and i had so much fun on a date with my girls addie and bethea. Tomorrow is my last day with my trinity family all together and yeah, it's a bittersweet symphony. (i'm listening to it right now, love the verve) The only thing separating me from freedom is a handshake and a cap toss away but ive got the feeling that i'll walk away from all the tearfilled eyes, gut wrenching hugs, and watery smiles to find myself walking to my car thinking: Now what?

     I've been looking forward to this day all year, counting down the days since january. I can still remember when it was 99 days left, 45, 22, two weeks, one week, now it's tomorrow and soon it'll be all over. The summer is all that's separating me from total and complete freedom. Why am i scared shitless about it sometimes? Senior year was memorable and filled with complete shit highlighted by some happy moments. It was over too fast and sometimes i think i'm gonna wake up and take my junior year exams. That i just had a shoddy imagination and that senior year is about to start but...i'm done and i'm trying to grasp that. It is finished. I just wrote 10 letters to the people that mean the most to me and it was one of the most emotional experience i have ever had. all i want to do is just get away from all the senior bonding thrust upon us and start my life even if it scares me and makes me wanna gag. So, tomorrow's the day. The last time I get to say i'm a senior at trinity. The last time i can see the people i despise but tolerate because we've been together for years. The last time I see the juniors and think, you're a junior, i'm a senior. The last time i'll have to look at yohn, cleveland, stabler, and the like as my teachers. It's the last time my grade, some people i have been with for thirteen years, will be all together. I literally blinked and everything i've known and taken for granted is gone. It's the last time I can truly say it's great to be a trinity wildcat, so what if i'm lying?

and scene.

Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place...

     Two weeks, just two weeks. I swear, that sentence reverberated off the walls of the senior hallway in TPS today. Everybodys looking haggard and falling asleep in class is the norm. i myself dozed off in free period today with my harry potter book still in hand and still in a sitting position. It could have been the aftermath of my insane doseage of nyquil last night but, nahhhhh. At trinity, things never settle down but hopefully for me, may 19th will be like a pair of scissors, cleanly cutting away my attachment to trinity with one swift snip. I'm seriously cutting away at all the shit i don't need and lemme tell ya, it's liberating. I honestly don't know how i can last these two weeks. i have never had this insatiable urge to get away from somewhere like this before. i loathe walking through the doors of trinity and having to act like i actually can stand being around people that have no idea how freaking annoying they are. don't get me wrong, some people i just love to death but most of em....if looks could kill..
     Schoolwork just seems pointless now. I don't understand why i should even be expected to perform at this point, i mean just look at me. I'm on a constant nyquil hangover, it takes hours for the kitten eyes to go down, i don't even try to make eye contact with teachers, i don't keep my sarcastic remarks to a whisper anymore, and i've been downright mean to some people. ya think they'd get the hint. who gives a shit if i have to take almost all my exams? big freaking deal if i fail a few tests. I. AM. GOING. TO. AUBURN. IN. 96. DAYS. get over it. the only thing that keeps me going is auburn. just like louis armstrong, auburn's on my minddd. So, i'm going to go run to compensate for the bread in a can i just dominated then i'm going to come back and netflix, then i'm going to take muh nyquil, maybe review for my math test tomorrow but don't count on it. I mean, we are SENIORSSSSS
in a few weeks, i will get time
to realize its right before my eyes
and i can take it, if its what i want to do
i am leaving, this is starting
to feel like its right before my eyes
i can taste it, my sweet beginning
two door cinema club
and scene.