This pic just screams: lets get outta here. well, to me it does. Just giving you a heads up on my life right now. It's safe to say that things are kinda stable right now, even if my mental state isn't even close. The reality of graduation and it's imminence is starting to set in. The teachers can feel it's tangibility and they fear they're losing us as attentive students....well, they are. So, they slam us with enough homework so that we return the next day, dazed and bleary eyed, so we will either be too lethargic to function, therefore remaining silent in class and not causing a disturbance, OR will be reduced into a caffeine induced stupor that keeps us hyper until the impending crash and burn. Since i've been "slaving" away to complete my assignments, my body and mind refuses to fall asleep til at least 12. See what this school has done to me and many others? it's screwing up our sleeping patterns and i am sure the amount of kitten eyes at this school is rising....i've seen people, it's bad.
I guess an upside to this downward spiral of despair is the fact that my parents rarely check MY edline anymore, thus, i am the good child for once in my life. Now carrington? that's a different can of worms. Hers is checked regularly and punishment is doled out in the same fell swoop . Ode to seniority. I guess my parents are allowing the detachment process to make it's way into our lives. Even if my mom does wipe off the count down til graduation i have on the kitchen chalkboard, look at old baby pictures while wrapped in a coat of nostalgia, cry at the most random moments, ask me to save a day for a family dinner, and be a stage five clinger if i venture downstairs. Don't get me wrong, i know it's hard to let go. Today in spanish, we figured out that since i've been here for thirteen years, not counting the endless afternoons dedicated to practice or games, i have spent a grand total of over 16, 820 hours at this school. approximately. I literally gagged when it was tallied up and yohn had to give me his two cents on how i've had it so great here and how others could only dream of....yeah, well. you've only been here for 5 years. I've been here longer than you, with the same people, and the same shit for my whole life. I know i could be stuck in a shack of a school house somewhere in mexico, or a bullet ravaged block in a downtown ghetto, but sometimes, the shit of a private school can be pretty bad and can mortally wound as bad a bullet or an unmentionable disease.
As much as i say that i'm going to be sad when may 19th rolls around, i can honestly say: it's time. Trinity has tried to shape me into a closed minded snob who is always right, shouldn't speak unless spoken to, respectful of elders and authority would never bash someone behind their back, loving my neighbor as myself spineless, soulful adult. I'm sorry, please show me someone like that and i will shake every single person's hand in the administration and swallow my words. Until then, i think i'm going into a world that is going to knock the living hell out of me. Even the strongest people i know will get a shock when the veil that trinity has sheltered us with is lifted. So, count the days, count the hours, count the times you have left in a certain class, count the weeks you have to see a certain person's face. learn who's honest, what's true, what's always been a lie. Cling to all you have ever known, throw everything back in everyone's face, make ties, break ties. Laugh, cry, make every day count, carpe diem, que sera, sera, to each his own, live laugh love, but never forget what you know.
All these things that you say, like I’ll forget about the mind-numbing games that you play.
I am a gentleman, didn’t I pay for every laugh every dime, every bit every time and then you feed me some line.
I won’t hear one more word about changing.
Guess what I am the same man, same that I’ve always been.
The airborne toxic event
and scene.
No comments:
Post a Comment