Funny How A Memory Sounds Like A Melody

     Well, I survived. I survived my first year at Auburn and made it out alive. I lived through the first year of being truly on my own, made it through the many challenges, made so many friends and memories, and most importantly, pushed through the meetings, tests, all nighters, 8 ams, auburn dining, and the dreaded finals. Yes, I made it out alive. Yes I am finally home. But no, I am not the same….But after one year at college, is anyone?

     College changes a person. It pushes your buttons, chews you up and spits you out, gives you a run for your money, and any other cliche of those sorts. It's a learning experience, in more ways than just your education. It's not high school anymore. Your mom and dad can't fix everything and your friends will either be there for the long haul or leave you in the dust. It's an amazing experience and I can't wait to go back.
      Auburn is my home. Once you live somewhere for an entire year, it's your home. 207 of Hall M in the hill was my home, even though it was the size of a shoebox and my suit mates were satan's children. It was my home. I could never count the amount of smiles, laughs, tears, coughs, gossip, and just plain fun that was had in that room. Haley was my sister and still would have been even if both of us were not in Tri Delt together. Another thing about college that changed my life. Joining a sorority can be such a learning and growing experience. You gain so many friends and its hard to find yourself alone when you're surrounded by so much love and support from so many great people. Meeting people from so many facets of life is one of the best things about college, the other is the amazingly huge amount of tshirts you will leave with. Learning how to live my life by myself was an adjustment. I loved it, but hated being poor half the time. I exaggerate but living on a budget really sucks. I love game day weekends on the Plains and can't wait to be back in the fall! Weekends at Auburn are always fun. There is always something to do. Whether it be going to someones house for a party, going to Bourbon with all the other freshman or 17 if you're feeling crazy, or any of the fraternity houses; there is always something to keep you entertained. Formals, and socials, swaps and pledge parties…your time is always well spent. I got by with my best friends and had the most amazing year of my life. I never expected going in that I would actually find someone that I wanted to actually be with for an extended amount of time my freshman year but I did…and it was the best decision I have ever made and I am so lucky to have someone as amazing as him in my life.

     Some Auburn fun facts for ya. Auburn weather is crazy unpredictable. I mean honestly, it will be Antarctica one day, and the Sahara the next day. When it rains, it pours and when its hot, you just wanna die. You will skip a class. It happens. I don't know my way around the Haley center…it is a maze and I don't know a single person who can navigate that thing. You will gain weight…again, it happens. The dining plan at AU while convenient, is extremely unhealthy and can be downright nasty. But it's monopoly money so spend dat ca$h. RBD is the library and countless all nighters will be spent there. Third floor is for socializing and 4th is silent study floor, don't bring chips or you'll get visually impaled by serious studiers. Parking is a joke and you will get a ticket/get your car towed at least once.  Momma G's on a sunday is full of people trying to get rid of a hangover, the drunkbus will save your life and you will try to get hit by the Tiger Transit because if you are successful…free tuition will be yours. Aubie is everywhere and puppies are usually on the greenspace. Don't go near the concourse during campaign week…its hell. Don't take an 8 am, you will regret it. Also, don't walk by yourself places. Always ask for extra credit, don't be embarrassed by the pictures that get put up the next morning, and don't throw up in public. No matter what, people will remember that. If a guy offers to take you on a date, go. That doesn't happen often. Having fun is the most important part. Don't forget that grades are important and you CAN fail out, it happens. Don't leave a tab open at the bar and know you will drop/break/lose a phone or credit card. X's on the back of your hands are not cute the next morning and walks of shame are embarrassing for everyone. RODEO is the best experience as well as spring break. Cowgirl boots go with everything, date parties are so much fun, you won't wear makeup to class, you'll get a chaco tan, wear norts everywhere, and eat at the taco truck. You will also have the best year of your life. Live it up, I sure as hell did.
To this day when I hear that song
I see you standin' there on that lawn
Discount shades, store bought tan,
Flip flops and cut off jeans

Somwhere between that setting sun
I'm on fire and born to run
You looked at me and I was done
Well, we're just getting started

I was singin' to you, you were singin' to me
I was so alive, never been more free
Fired up my daddy's lighter and sang Oh-h-h-h-h-h

Stayed there 'til they forced us out
Took the long way to your house
I canstill hear the sound of you saying don't go

When I think about you, I think about 17,
I think about my old jeep
I think about the stars in the sky
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory
Like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night
Springsteen.Eric Church
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I set fiiiiire to the rain…but really

    There are days when i miss being a little kid or just a high school senior at Trinity. I feel like making that statement is a declaration of treason to Auburn and trinity graduates alike. Well, call me Benedict Arnold because i'm feeling nostalgia hitting me in strong waves over the past few days, or more like weeks.
     Maybe it's due to a loss of shell shock. Maybe the smoke cleared and the dust settled. Maybe it's just me putting things off to deal with them later. Or maybe, I was kidding myself by saying I hated montgomery, trinity, and my whole life and needed something new. Wanting things you cannot have is an unavoidable part of human nature, i guess that's what makes it so tantalizing and appealing. Nobody likes the impossible and I always love a challenge, that's why i've been yearning to turn back the clock and reset it at a year, or maybe two ago. People can go on and on about "living with no regrets" but, as hard as anyone might try, fight, avoid…regrets in life are never elusive. And i am starting to be ok with that. I've made peace with my demons as best I can and know that you can always regret something, you just have to move past it and keep living. While at Auburn, I've been learning things, been put in certain positions that show me Trinity and Montgomery were not so bad. Where all I had to worry about was graduating in a school where I knew failure wasn't going to happen. Where everybody knows your name and you feel proud and important to go to Trinity and have your friends. Where my biggest concern in life was my boyfriend, going out with friends, and if i made it back on time before curfew. I thought that was hard. Now, my mind is filled with so many worries and frustrations that it make me sick. Literally though, I have a brutal sinus infection and nasty case of bronchitis. my incessant coughing leads to stares from neighboring students and sleepless nights due to a gut wracking, chest clenching cough that never stops. I have to sit in an English class where i'm told i can barely write a C level paper and feel like my "gift" was just good by Montgomery standards. That my worst fear, that I can't write, is finally coming to fruition. In a school this large, i finally feel what it's like to be insignificant. Sure, i've been wrapped up in my own little bubble to fend off these feelings, but it's not hard for them to latch on and seep in. I don't feel like the same person. I'm better in some aspects: i'm more accepting, less tempted to be angry, and more optimistic but i'm starting to feel lost and doubting myself, something i don't like feeling.

    I'm a naturally curious person so i've begun questioning myself on some of things that are bothering me. I've decided to work harder and be determined to excel and not feel a woe begotten feeling of need when I thing of my old life. I can't have it and all I have is now. I know I am not insignificant to the people I love and who love me. I've been to church so much lately and know that, these doubts, this too shall pass. I'm not alone, and I'm loved by people in a way that was impossible in the stifling halls of trinity. I'm done doubting myself and my abilities because I know what I can do, now I just have to get off my ass and grab them by the…hands. Thanks for being my therapist, always appreciated. Oh look, another sunrise and  i'm still listening to Adele. sometimes i think: thank God for adele.

'Cause there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew,
All the things you'd say,
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died
'Cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time!

Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you.



let it burn, adele. and scene. 

Wise Words

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." --Bob Marley


I found this truly beautiful and inspirational, just wanted to share it with ya'll!!
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I am thankful for: you!

Whenever Thanksgiving rolls around, I like to write a list of some things i'm especially thankful for this year. Surry if thats lame but it really puts things into perspective. So, here are some things i'm so thankful for this year 2011:
1. God's never relenting love and grace- without it, i would be lost and never found
2. the love of a very special person in my life-it isn't always perfect, but to me its everything
3. my amazing family-they keep me sane
           Daddy- he is the person I aspire to be. My twin personality
           Mom- the one who keeps me pushing forwards, toward perfect grades
           Carrington- my precious puffin, i love her more than words. a perfect angel
           Nanny-sweetest most generous, loving person i know. it makes my day when I'm told i look like her
           Paw Paw- favorite person in the world. When he calls me shuga, it makes me smile like nothing else
4. my health-i am so healthy and i'm so thankful for it
5. Auburn University- for accepting me and becoming my new home
6. Tri Delt and my sisters-for making me one of their own
7. my roommate Haley- for getting me through some hard times and sharing millions of laughs
8. my new best friend bethany- for teaching me where haleyville is and for letting me sleepover everyday
9. cold weather- it is so beautiful and my favorite time of the year
10. another birthday- i am so thankful to be alive *November 30th
11. my iPhone- very shallow but it gets me through the day
12. pinterest- for letting me pin things
13. music, music, music- for putting my feelings into words that i could never say otherwise
14. Dr. Farmer- my english professor who lets me write about crazy topics
15. Emily Bethea- one of my best friends who when i talk to, seems like nothing has changed. i love you
16. Books- for entertaining me when nothing else can
17. J.K. Rowling- for making my childhood magical

18. Louis and the new puppies- for letting me see the cutest things in the world
19. Christmastime- it's the most wonderful time of the year
20. mistakes- how else am i going to learn?
21. love- there is nothing like it and i am forever changed by having it.

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
      so thankful for Florence- inspiring
and scene.

Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun. And when you're close, I feel like coming undone

     Oh boy, what would I do without Taylor Swift, or tsweezy as I lovingly refer to her. I swear, her music fills up my sad song and sleepy song playlist and even thought i'm a teenage girl cliche, I can honestly say her music makes me feel better or lets me sulk when I'm sad and need to pity myself. It's all about feeling that you're not alone and her music reaches out and lets you know you're not the only one who thinks boys suck, you're not the only one to have your heart broken, and you're not the only one who feels invisible. Seeing someone as perfect as her cry while singing last kiss and knowing she feels like ish too, can make anyone feel better. Anyone. Even boys, ya know ya listen to her too! People may hate on the tsweez but, like the new adage says: haters gon hate. True dat y'all.

   I'm gonna follow my sad girl cliches and also say I heart Grey's Anatomy. Oh my goodness I could just sit and watch that show for hours, and I do. How emburassin. I wanted to be a plastic surgeon since I was 5. Yes, since I was 5. That dreamed lived on til about April of last year when I was drowning in AP Bio and barely surviving math. I had to lay my precious lifelong dream aside for a more realistic one: Law School. I love to argue, I'm competitive as hell, and I never back down. Perfection right? I also love reading and writing sewww that helps. Back to my love, Grey's. Good Lord that cast. They are some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. My mom is a nurse and works in a hospital and she reminds me all the time, the drama is real, all the sex everywhere is real, but the people are never that attractive but their ego's are massive. Go figure. I say that you go through that much schooling and you can save my life, you deserve the extra attitude. Go for it, pat yourself on the back because I want to be you. I want to put people back together again, make them better that new, feel that rush when you complete something amazing and life changing, or life saving. But, i suck at math. and science.
So i go to fixing things that relies on a strong basis that never changes: the law. And that, is pretty damn amazing. You may be able to save a life McDreamy, but I can find a way to salvage someone's whole life and find justice where it is due and I think that's pretty incredible. So, I want to be a doctor. i want a McSteamy of my own. I want to work with Eric Dane and stare at him all day but my dream is pretty awesome too. In some ways, it's more realistic. I won't kill anyone at my hands and I can change peoples minds by what I have to say. Try persuading a malignant tumor not to spread, Grey. Just something I was thinking on. Well, back to Grey's and my teenage cliche of listening to tsweezy while I type.
I've never gone with the windJust let it flowLet it take me where it wants to goTill you open the doorThere's so much moreI've never seen it before
I was trying to flyBut I couldn't find wingsThen you came alongAnd you changed everything
You lift my feet off the groundSpin me aroundYou make me crazier, crazierFeels like I'm falling and II'm lost in your eyesYou make me crazier,Crazier, crazier
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Nicki, and Scarves, and Pumpkins OH MY!!

    It's been sooooo long since i've gotten to blog! I've totes missed it, like for real. I don't even have a topic, i'm just so excited to be back to bloggin. So, Auburn and Tri Delt are keeping me very very busy. Spanish 2020 is kickin my butt and I have to study like a mother for that class. I literally dread walking into that room every day. Picture it: everyone is pretty fluent except this gal. Sure, I can understand what people are saying but verb conjugations make me wanna puke and using them in a sentence or with my superior partners is a real drag. I have an oral exam, sounds icky, in there tomorrow. Good news: it only lasts 4 minutes. Bad news: in those 4 minutes, i have to talk to my randomly chosen partner, using everything we've learned this semester, while my teacher takes notes. My luck, i'll be stuck with the guy from Costa Rica. Yeah, he's a freaking native. Yohn taught me, i don't know ish. I'm aiming for a mediocre C, that'd be so auss. After that, I get to drive home to good ole Montgomery for Trinity's homecoming game. I really have missed my actual family, and my trinity family. I really don't get to see them enough. I've been so happy here at Auburn, I really have. Sure, not everything goes as I plan and juggling people and school work and a sorority is really hard but i wouldn't change it. I feel really free a lot of the time and thats a great feeling. Waking up in the mornings to go to trinity would feel like I was going to jail almost, now a days, I literally smile on the way to class I'm so glad to be here. Speaking of inappropriate and embarrassing grinning on my walks to class, nothing inspires a plain ole good mood like this chilly weather. I've been so happy and chipper that's in inexplicableness is starting to scare people. I even bought yet another scarf today. I just really love the cold, it means Christmas is coming. Christmas Pandora is constantly playing on my computer and I visit stores just to smell the cinnamon and see the decorations. Don't get me wrong, I love love love Halloween and October. Halloween is second to Christmas, i mean who doesn't like creepy decorations and pumpkins and costume parties? It's un-American if you don't! My next week is so packed with Halloween inspired events is cray cray
     I hate swaps, I truly do. From a few of the swaps, I've made friends and actually keep up with the people i met on the reg but honestly, most of theme are just plain kward. The guys can even drink so you'd think they'd be a little less awkward and more smooth, wrong-o. Obviously the alcohol doesnt loosen them up enough. Please stop asking me what my major is, how i like tri delt, where i'm from, and if i like the swap so far. You are swaying in my face and you reek. You could actually be an ok guy but you're ruining this by trying to be cool and concerned and wanting to get to know my soul. Not gonna happen. I have like 3 swaps a week and i have a halloween social next week. I'm going as Nicki Minaj and couldn't be happier. I have Halloween parties and pumpkin carving and bonfires and I'm so excited. I have to finish finding nickiesque stuff for my consume then i'm all set. I really love my friends here, they're the bomb. I can't wait to go home and get all my cold weather stuff and did I mention all my UGGS and SWEATERS!!! eeeep can't contain muhself. Well, I might head off to the paranormal activity 3 premiere now. Hate to part with amc's Fear Fest. I love it so much. Cant wait to be scurrrrred.
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Robert Frost
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I Believe in Auburn…and Love It!

       Whoever said high school was the best years of your life was smoking some serious drugs. College is the best experience you can ever hope to have. Things that mattered so much in high school, don't matter worth a shit now. The cattiness of high school and the insecurities and the drama all fade away when you come to college. Things are so much freer and people are so freaking accepting that sometimes I wake up and wonder: is this real life? 
        Even trekking to class everyday doesn't dampen my mood. Most days my classes don't start till 11, i have an hour for lunch, and then classes end at 2:50. I get to take naps whenerrrrr i want and if i wanna go grab some chick fil a, go to the
 library (lame), or stay out late I CAN. nobody is my boss but me and I lurve it. I seriously meet new people everyday and being on a campus this large can bring in some pretty cool and some pretty weird cats. I don't know if its the newfound freedom, but i can only count on one hand the people that I don't like and have just met. Auburn is seriously the friendliest, most approachable place on earth. It's not like a creepy HI!!!! wherever you go, it's just a feeling of being comfortable when you have to grab some lunch alone and work on your laptop. Its the feeling of walking into a class of 250 and not knowing a soul but when you walk out you know at least 3 and they'll remember your name next week. It's a tangible feeling of a home you've never known and i couldn't be happier. One thing that can just tick anyone off might just be the avid cyclists milling about campus. They are the most inconsiderate people on this earth i think. I applaud them on their ability to maneuver between the crowds and narrowly escape confrontations with trash cans and cars alike but whenever i hear a chain clinking or pedals pumping i know i'm going to have to jump out of the way. Must be the irrational fear of getting my heels clipped. People stare a lot here, too. Like i constantly have to ask Haley if I have grown a third eye or something the way people stare. Everybody stares at everyone, guess its just a curiosity thing. At least put on some sunglasses so I can't see your eyes please. Just so you know, a tigercard is the best thing ever invented. During my lunch break, I buy some sushi, philly rolls, and a DP and go eat with my friends Bethany and Lil Logan. I just swipe that little card and its done. It's amazing and I eat dinner at chick fil a like every night. Panda express comes to Auburn today!!! Totes excited, come on freshman 50.

      College wasn't completely what I expected. The fact that I just let go of so many factors of my old life and embraced all college has to offer is scary. It's easy to forget about Trinity and the people who go there. When you don't see people everyday and you're insanely busy, they start to fade. Sure, some people who are so important to me still remain in my sight but others…just aren't there anymore. I thought when I went back for the Trinity football game I would be more nostalgic and weepy but truth be told, there is so much more out there than that small bubble of my home town and school. I've met so many people from different walks of life and I really have grown up in the short weeks i've been here. Having to fend for yourself all the time and manage your time, money, and relationships can cause someone to mature and not take things for granted. My mindset of thinking has also been affected. It's surprisingly easier to deal with things when I know I am not alone. I have a whole sorority and other friends to lean on to get me through hard times and I am so thankful for that. Haley is my roomy and we go everywhere together! Dinner, Chapter, Swaps, Phi Tau, Gym, and laundry are all together and I love that I don't have to worry about being alone all the time. Well, I'm tired which is always the case. I'll try and blog about my upcoming events soon. Can't wait for this weekend and the game! yeah, I have a date. I'll post pics. 


I had a way then losing it all on my own, 
I had a heart then but the Queen has been overthrown,
And I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat, 
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me.

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, 
You shine It when I'm alone,
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong,
And dreaming when they're gone.

'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home, 
Calling, calling, calling home. 
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, 
You shine It when I'm alone. 
    Ellie Goulding is my girl and Lights is my jam. Bassnectar biatch.
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