Brick?

     So, i'm too busy to blog and i have no idea how i have squeezed in this time to do this quick post. my memory book has been sucking the life out of me, literally eroding my soul. My mom gets all weepy when we're doing the pages together so i'm severly uncomfortable. it's not all bad but i'm hurrying so i can get out of this house. ok so i watched this indie movie called brick last night and it's the best movie i've seen in a while. its really quirky and dark and has a good plot. it talks about drugs too so that ought to grab some attention, i suggest ya'll see it. Joseph Gordon Levett is in it and i love love him, he does a good job getting beat up the whole time. what a trooper. so it's like 27 days til i graduate if anyone wanted to know. my only means of survival are my nyquil, i've been sick for the past week, and netflicks. oh, almost forgot, i have to give the lowdown on prom soon so expect that.
so what's next?
i'm going to start shaking things up.
brick
and scene.

I got yo back

"Why do people persist in dissatisfying relationships, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It's because they know changing will lead to the unknown and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painfull than what they are experiencing."

   
One thing i love about this shitty being a human thing, we are all so fucked up that we can ALWAYS do better.
       Straight from the mouth of muh bro, camille. love you bro, you keep me sane. truly
as always, in christ.
and scene.

That's heavy, man.

    This pic just screams: lets get outta here. well, to me it does.  Just giving you a heads up on my life right now. It's safe to say that things are kinda stable right now, even if my mental state isn't even close. The reality of graduation and it's imminence is starting to set in. The teachers can feel it's tangibility and they fear they're losing us as attentive students....well, they are. So, they slam us with enough homework so that we return the next day, dazed and bleary eyed, so we will either be too lethargic to function, therefore remaining silent in class and not causing a disturbance, OR will be reduced into a caffeine induced stupor that keeps us hyper until the impending crash and burn. Since i've been "slaving" away to complete my assignments, my body and mind refuses to fall asleep til at least 12. See what this school has done to me and many others? it's screwing up our sleeping patterns and i am sure the amount of kitten eyes at this school is rising....i've seen people, it's bad.
      I guess an upside to this downward spiral of despair is the fact that my parents rarely check MY edline anymore, thus, i am the good child for once in my life. Now carrington? that's a different can of worms. Hers is checked regularly and punishment is doled out in the same fell swoop . Ode to seniority. I guess my parents are allowing the detachment process to make it's way into our lives. Even if my mom does wipe off the count down til graduation i have on the kitchen chalkboard, look at old baby pictures while wrapped in a coat of nostalgia, cry at the most random moments, ask me to save a day for a family dinner, and be a stage five clinger if i venture downstairs. Don't get me wrong, i know it's hard to let go. Today in spanish, we figured out that since i've been here for thirteen years, not counting the endless afternoons dedicated to practice or games, i have spent a grand total of over 16, 820 hours at this school. approximately.  I literally gagged when it was tallied up and yohn had to give me his two cents on how i've had it so great here and how others could only dream of....yeah, well. you've only been here for 5 years. I've been here longer than you, with the same people, and the same shit for my whole life. I know i could be stuck in a shack of a school house somewhere in mexico, or a bullet ravaged block in a downtown ghetto, but sometimes, the shit of a private school can be pretty bad and can mortally wound as bad a bullet or an unmentionable disease.

      As much as i say that i'm going to be sad when may 19th rolls around, i can honestly say: it's time. Trinity has tried to shape me into a closed minded snob who is always right, shouldn't speak unless spoken to, respectful of elders and authority would never bash someone behind their back, loving my neighbor as myself spineless, soulful adult. I'm sorry, please show me someone like that and i will shake every single person's hand in the administration and swallow my words. Until then, i think i'm going into a world that is going to knock the living hell out of me. Even the strongest people i know will get a shock when the veil that trinity has sheltered us with is lifted. So, count the days, count the hours, count the times you have left in a certain class, count the weeks you have to see a certain person's face. learn who's honest, what's true, what's always been a lie. Cling to all you have ever known, throw everything back in everyone's face, make ties, break ties. Laugh, cry, make every day count, carpe diem, que sera, sera, to each his own, live laugh love, but never forget what you know.
All these things that you say, like I’ll forget about the mind-numbing games that you play.
I am a gentleman, didn’t I pay for every laugh every dime, every bit every time and then you feed me some line.
I won’t hear one more word about changing.
Guess what I am the same man, same that I’ve always been.
   The airborne toxic event 
and scene. 

I Did My Best!

  

   i just need to vent. I'm so tired all the time, this might be because i don't go to sleep til 12: 30 or 1 but that's because i'm busy....busy doing nothing. I'm so easily distracted now and i can't focus on anything for more than 15 minutes. At home that is, i do all of my homework the next day at school. I guess the threat of missing a deadline makes me work at freakish speed and allows me to get stuff done. Except, this hasn't worked for the past couple of days. I can't make myself work on anything. Wanna hear what all i have to do? Well, i gotta finish an AP bio independent study and summarize two articles that were due LAST friday. I also have a test in there friday, have to come wednesday night at 6 to watch a movie and answer 20 questions on it, (because no movie should ever be just for enjoyment purposes) practice test due friday, math test and 80 homework problems due tomorrow. I'm sorry, but i have no idea what that ish is on. oh, the incompetence. In spanish, i have to come up with a scene that describes how the future will pan out. Um, im not an oracle and i can barely speak remedial spanish sooo how am i supposed to make a 3-5 minute presentation? thats right, i'm royally screwed. I've also got a bajillion notecards in english due by wednesday. Have I started the book? no way. i've gone as far as driving to office depot and buying a rainbow assortment of those big-ass cards.  The title? As I Lay Dying. Eerily appropriate don't you believe? I've also got a Bible paper (4 pages) due sometime soon as well as a memory book. Holy shit. i will never survive. The only time i looked remotely intelligent today was when i knew the plural tense of the word octopus. It's octopi. Yep, even stephen didn't know that. You know my buddy Dane Cook? Well, go watch his video on crying and that'll be me by wednesday for sure. Gotta come up with my own phrase to repeat over and over as i slip into insanity. are you sure i'm graduating may 19th? cause i feel it will never come.
"you get a tap on your shoulder, just a tap and you turn around. Who's behind you?
The world, right on your shoulder and he's like hi, i'm the freaking world and i just want to let you know something, you're gonna cry."
"Thanks world."
    Dane Cook
and scene.

"That really pisses me off"

      Ever notice when people get mad, there are a myriad of ways they express themselves? There are a cornucopia of different ways people can react when they get pissed off and each and every one of them are either the most hilarious, most uncomfortable, or scariest thing you will ever lay eyes on. Today is just one of those days where everybody is getting mad and i'm in the mood to discuss this strange human behavior.
       Each of my friends has a different way of getting mad and i've seen it so many times that i am the connoisseur of spotting an explosion o' hate or a bitter, inner withdrawal that can leave a person completely freezed out. I honestly don't know whats worse: a scary, violent reaction or the quiet, make you wonder if they're secretly planning your murder kind. I can do both, very well actually. I guess we'll start with me. When i get mad, just an everyday mad like getting annoyed and such, my temper snaps but it's over pretty quickly. I'll just spout off  few bitch remarks, throw a dirty look or two, and it's over. Now, when something big happens....its a little different. I've only truly reached my breaking point about 6 or 7 times in my life, i do believe it has happened three times senior year..impressive. See, what happens is, you have to look for the signs. Thats step one. When i get really mad, i'm not usually in the same room as the person to whom my hatred and rage is directed. I'm usually just hearing the news from someone else. I get really quiet and its eerie. I've been told it's frightening and i've seen people go all still and quiet when they're really pissed and it makes me want to tiptoe out of the room backwards, so they can't pounce on my back and kill me. So, i just sit there processing (it takes a while for big things to hit me and for me to accept) and this can last for a few minutes to an hour or two. The calm before the storm so to say, then it happens. The complete unhinging of all human qualities and behaviors. It's "The Snap." I've witnessed a few Snappages in my life and they are one of the scariest, most hilarious things to witness. I don't know how the few people who have seen me at these moments have held themselves together and not laughed in my face. The faint flush on your cheeks, the rapid hand gestures, the uncontrollable string of curse words emitting from your animalistic mouth, ridiculous facial expressions, and the useless pacing. I don't know why, but apparently moving around the room makes you feel like you're doing something important, like a treadmill. You're running but where the hell do you think you're going? It's even worse when you have 'The Confrontation." Those are ugly. Some people throw things, some people get so mad their tear ducts get confused and they start to cry, some people stutter, some people (guilty) have the low quiet voice that is so full of rage that you're scared for your life. Some people (me) can yell and get up in your face. Some people start laughing this creepy laugh like somethings funny and some people even have just one look that can make your blood run cold.
      One of the absolute best things to watch is a fight between a guy and a girl. I can only speak from my perspective but the girl always seems to say these things like her life is a movie. So many melodramatic things can be said to get their point across, such as: "I don't even know who you are anymore." Yes you do, don't try to make your life a movie. "I love you, but i just can't do this anymore. You've changed." oh please. The silent treatment is one of the most annoying and effective reactions to anger. It's at the point where the person gets so bitter that they shut down and freeze you out and it's the worst to be on that side of the treatment. It makes you all nice and a complete kiss ass. Since i'm stubborn, i won't talk to you either...for a while. Sometimes it can turn into a grudge and those are just annoying to keep track of.
     Today my spanish teacher completely lost it. There we were just minding our own business when all of a sudden he freaks out because we were "showing disrespect by talking while he was." He went on a bitter tirade about respect and then i just kinda zoned out because i had to keep from laughing in his face. About 20 minutes later i got distracted and he went off AGAIN. He said, and I quote: "That really PISSES me off...excuse my language but it does." Um, did that just happen? I felt that when he said that, it was equivalent to the worst curse word imaginable to him....just hearing the word come out of his corpse lips made me almost laugh out loud and i would have, if i wasn't staring in awe. So, i think i've examined a few of the entertaining aspects of being pissed off. Oh, almost forgot the pouter. They pout when they're mad to get their way. We've all been guilty of that. Nothing wrong with using a good pout if it gets you what you want.  But when it comes to anger, to each his own.
and scene.

March Madness

     

 Don't get too excited, i'm not talking about bball.

      As you can see, I've been pretty bored all day. If the drastic change to my blog's format isn't giving you an inclination to my severe apathy, let the fact that i have an AP Bio test AND project due tomorrow verify my total lack of care...about anything. Yes, the return to school after a blissful week of complete mind

relaxation was a hard adjustment for everyone, teacher and student alike. But, the was one little bit of joy to this dismal day of return. I now believe that I will have a better day if I am allowed to dress to express. This is called Casual monday and it puts me in an altogether pleasanter mood, even under such dire circumstances as returning to tps. Gives me chills just thinking about the fact that i've still got a little under two months left in that place

     So, it's kinda obvious that  i'm doing everything possible to keep from studying AP Bio. Yes, I'm doing horribly in the class but, i think that the fact i've been a good student all these years should allow me the option of failing gracefully in these last few months. I'm just so drained. I'm the picture of apathy, look it up in the dictionary and there's me. No lie. Here's an example: I came home today and whoah. hold the phone. i gotta say something about the insane afterschool traffic. Ok, so i know that i can drive like a bat out of hell most of the time but i have never been around so many deranged drivers in my life. People straight up lost their minds. People weaving in and out, cutting me off, flicking me off, honking at each other, countless near misses, and i swear, i thought i was gonna witness a head on collision. I just really don't know why when i'm trying to get over, the person in the other lane had to speed up to cut me off. Listen: I COULD SQUISH YOU. and don't even use the excuse that you "couldn't see me." if you can't see my truck, then you're helen keller, thus you shouldn't be driving. Anywhoooo it was so pretty outside so i just tried to enjoy at least that. I got home and said i was just going to take a quick nap: that turned into an hour and a half. why is is that when i tried to sleep last night, i couldn't but i can't stay awake right now when i have so much to do? One of life's mysteries i suppose. I stared at my backpack for a little bit then went to go make some stuff-like cooking. After about three batches of cookies i decided i better crack down and study, so i get on netflicks and I watch some old movies. I watch An Affair to Remember til 2:30 last night, gosh it never gets old. Now, i'm blogging. My bio notes are sitting right beside me untouched as they will remain until about 11 when i have a mini panic attack. Old habits like that die hard.

      So, today was an example of march madness. Everybody was acting crazy. maybe it was due to that super moon from a few nights ago but things were definitely strange. Entering tps was like entering a renunion after five years. All i heard was: "i missed you" "oh muh gawd, youre sooo tan gurl!" nauseating. And the brackets, oh the brackets. I'm already sick of it. No offense to you bball fans who live for the chance to pick out your "sweet sixteen" or whatever. have fun with that. i just find it funny that in math we have a huge bracket drawn on a chalk board and a teacher who tries to "talk shop" with tha boys. all females might as well be nonexistant in that class. well, except for maybe two. Ok, so really no drama today, disappointed? sorry debbie.
We’re only young and naive still
We require certain skills
The mood it changes like the wind
Hard to control when it begins
The naked and the famous-love them!
and scene.

That was wicked, Harry!

        Oh my shoot, it's been so long since i've blogged. So, i'm dusting off the cobwebs and returning to my blog that keeps me sane during school. Spring break is practically over and that's depressing as hell. Apparently we've got less than forty something school days left until graduation, doesn't that just tug on a  few peoples' heartstrings? Me? its definitely exciting but kinda sad, bittersweet. Ugh i'm stopping this debby downer mess right now before i get all terms of endearment on ya'll. So, i know you're wondering what big plans i had for spring break. well, i kicked it in the gump for the first few days. nobody was here. i mean, total seclusion. I was all like "yeah! nobody's gonna bother me, the alone time is gonna be great!" nuh uh. no sir. i got through two days and was dying. let me tell you, it's just not the same when noone is there to share in your awkward moment when the guy doing my nails got a little too enthusiastic with the lotion... i kept busy but i missed my frans! i was like the only person who wasn't in germany, at a soccer/baseball tournament, at the beach, or somewhere random. I did go to birmingham with the fam for two days. we shopped, shopped, shopped and got my prom dress. Boy, was that a major check off my to-do list. trying to find one that wasn't completely hideous, nauseatingly bedazzled, or just plain unfortunate was a very trying ordeal. i mean really, how hard is it to make a decent looking dress? really. Boy was i relieved when people started coming home.

      My bro, camille, and i, and james hit up pville last night. We had some dinner at the pville country club thanks to the lovely carpenter clan. It's a place where each of the club members have been to paris many a time. paris, texas that is. bonjour ya'll. Kinda had an awkward moment or two with the waiters. i couldn't pronounce the name of the pasta i wanted. classy, right? then we had the awkward guy who did the hesitant "are you finished?" suggestion and grab for my plate. live for those moments. Oh my gosh, I had an icee for the first time in forevvs and i embarrassingly exclaimed "That's delicious!" Love feelin like a five year old. swear i'm not graduating in like a month and a half. ok, so i must have been out of it for a few days because it's a harry potter weekend! so exciting, thanks abc fam. i just don't understand why they do it on a sunny weekend. hmm the dilemma between getting some vitamin c or staying in and watching harry battle a basilisk? gosh, it's a toughie. all i know is, come july 15th at 12:00 A.M. you know where i'll be. At the rave with my fellow hp addicts waiting in anticipation for the FINAL hp flick. swear i'm not a loser. i mean, it's my childhood.  can't wait to see who cries. is it sad that i love me some malfoy? nah, i always go for the evil ones, no matter how simpering he may be. Anyways, so glad i got this breather but dreading the return to school, makes me sick. sorry if this was boring, school should offer some stimulating topics for discussion. oh, and so you won't complain: hey billy. thanks for following me on twitter. i'm honored.
and scene.